You Might Be A Redneck
by Sailor J-chanDuoxHilde 4ever
Summary: Duo gives proof that all the Gundams are rednecks! Jeff Foxworthy fans, this is for you! PS, I'm not trying to insult the South!


Disclaimer-I don't own Jeff Foxworthy's work or Gundam Wing

You Might Be A Redneck 

Duo: If you own a home that is mobile and 14 cars that aren't…

*Picture of Duo and Hilde's mobile home with 14 broken-down cars*

Duo: You might be a redneck! If you've been married three times and still have the same in-laws…

*Picture of Trowa with three of Quatre's sisters*

Duo: You might be a redneck! Y'know, we have words in the colonies they don't have in other parts of the Earth Sphere. I like to use this one: "Yustacould".

Sally: Can you dance, Duo? 

Duo: Well, I yustacould. Gimmee a minute, I mitecould again.

Wufei: My current favorite colony word is "Sentuous". Told my old lady, "Sentuous up, get me a beer"!

Nataku: *Slaps him*

Duo: If your lawn furniture used to be your living room furniture…

*Picture of Relena's mansion with beach chairs out on the lawn*

Duo: You might be a redneck. If the most common phrase heard in your house is "Someone go jiggle the handle"…

*Picture of Duo and Hilde's mobile home. 

Hilde: The bathroom door won't open!

Duo: Try jiggling the handle!

Hilde: There IS no handle!*

Duo: You might be a redneck. If you've ever cut your grass and found a car…

*Picture of Pagan staring at a Mercedes-Benz on Relena's lawn, wondering why he's been driving that ugly pink limo for years*

Duo: You might be a redneck. If your dad walks you to school because you're in the same grade…

Heero: Hey, I went to school for less than 10 episodes! Leave me alone!

Duo: You might be a redneck! If you've ever had to haul a can of paint to the top of the resource satellite to defend your sister's honor…

*Picture of Quatre standing on the Maguanac soldier's shoulders leading up to a resource satellite, which has been spray-painted "Irea is a…" and the rest Quatre has already whited out*

Duo: You might be a redneck. If everyday, someone comes to your door mistakenly thinking you're having a yard sale…

Hilde: That's happened to us! I had to sell a car for 50 cents!

Duo: You might be a redneck. If you've ever made change in the offering plate… *Blushes* I was 7 years old! I thought it was like Take-A-Penny, Leave-A-Penny!

Heero: *Smirks* You might be a redneck.

Duo: *Glares at Heero* If you go to the family reunion to meet women…

Quatre: I think we offended someone out here. *Looks in audience* That ain't funny, is it, sis?

Duo: You might be a redneck. If your richest relative buys a new house and you have to help take the wheels off it…

*Picture of Heero taking the wheels off Relena's new house*

Duo: You might be a redneck. If your wife's hairdo has ever been destroyed by a ceiling fan….

*Picture of Trieze standing by Lady Une, whose hair looks as if she styles with a weedwhacker*

Duo: You might be a redneck. If you refer to the 6th grade as your "Senior year"…

Heero: I said, I only went to school for less than ten episodes! Shut up!

Duo: You might be a redneck. If you've ever taken a beer to a job interview…

*Picture of Trowa holding a beer bottle as he applies in the circus*

Duo: You might be a redneck. If your family tree does not fork…

Quatre: Don't look at me. STOP LOOKING AT ME!!! I'll become evil Quatre again…

Everyone Else: *Immediately stops looking at him*

Duo: …………If you have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say "Cool Whip" on the side…

Relena: How'd they know?!

Duo: You might be a redneck. If you've ever used your ironing board as a buffet table…My mother-in-law in Germany, by the way. If you've ever taken a 6-pack of beer to a funeral…

*Picture of Heero handing Sylvia Noventa a six-pack instead of a gun*

Duo: …You might be a redneck. If your wife has ever said "Move this transmission so I can take a bath"…

*Picture of Heero moving Wing Zero's head so Relena can get in the shower*

Duo: You might be a redneck. If you missed 6th-grade graduation because you had jury duty…

Heero: Omae o korosu! *Shoots at Duo. Misses for the first time in life*

Duo: You might be a redneck. If you're daughter's Barbie Dreamhouse has a clothesline in the front yard…

*Picture of Relena's old dollhouse, complete with clothesline AND 7 barking dogs, 3 of which are actually children*

Duo: You might be a redneck. If you wear a dress that is strapless with a bra that isn't…

Noin: *In hiding*

Duo: You might be a redneck. If you've ever stared at a carton of orange juice because it said "Concentrate"…That's how Trowa stopped speaking, by the way. His brain was entirely focused on that carton!

Duo: You might be a redneck. And finally, if you refer to your wife and your mother-in-law as "dual airbags"…

*Picture of Heero standing inbetween Relena and Mrs. Darlian* 

Duo: You just might be a redneck.


End file.
